For several weeks now, I have felt overwhelmed, drained, tired, on the path of breaking down… you name it. I have a coaching exam coming up in less than a month. Work commitments that had me leaving my workplace late into the night. Keeping up the energy to meet the many demands & new ideas for my community’s edible garden project.
Thoughts of wanting to build up communities… People around me say that they are inspired by what I do, but I feel sorely lacking in energy and enthusiasm myself. “True inspiration is when others are inspired enough to act. But I don’t have energy for it myself?,” I thought. Being real is a value I hold strongly, but I can’t help feeling fake. Are the many projects I do really just a front, and I’m nothing more than just words & fluffy dreams?
In short, a lot of drama. A lot of worry. I feel that I’m just keeping my head above the water, and doing the minimum I can to keep afloat. I feel clutter building up. I feel I need rest, a break from my own busy schedule, a period of self reflection and appreciation.
I truly appreciate myself deciding to make time to do just that. An entire day at the edible garden, but still rest time for me because I get to focus on doing what matters to me, and take a mental break from work. A morning walk with my colleagues to re-connect with nature’s beauty. Time to just rest, being present to the things and people around me. Time to just read, appreciate and be thankful.
Somehow I trust that when I take care of myself, other things will be OK. I initially told myself I needed to burn my weekend preparing for a work trip to Indonesia, but now, I tell myself I can do the preparation within an hour or two on Monday really. I just need to re-connect myself to how I can make a difference, without compromising on my own needs.
I had the good fortune to come across this on another blog, Purpose Fairy:
“Rather than worrying and wondering about if they knew enough to give enough. They just started. And trusted.
Their self-esteem was healthy enough to say: “What I don’t know I’m willing to learn.” And because they feel like enough – which is the secret to being enough – they don’t talk about things they don’t actually know. Nor do they pretend to care about things that they don’t really care about. Nor do they do things that they aren’t exceptional at. They get help when they need it and are the help for others that need them.”
It’s OK not to know everything. What I don’t know, I can learn. What I don’t know, I can have courage to be vulnerable, to admit it, to reach out for help, and get the help I need.